Visiting Hell – But Choosing Not To Stay There

By Sierra Bender
The Journey Magazine July/August 2005

You could say it all started when I was seven and didn’t even know it. It was my first day in church experiencing confession. I was told to tell my sins and if I did not God would judge me. I was sitting in a dark box that looked like a phone booth and a deep voice came out of this box from the screen that looked like bars. The mystery of it all began with the fear that I felt when I was told to tell my sins and ask for forgiveness. I was seven ......forgiveness for what? I thought to myself that I know more adults that need to be here. I was told God would shame me for telling lies and not confessing. I knew then that I was to fear two men in my life who where supposed to have loved me - God and Santa Claus. I told the priest that I didn’t need him to talk to the man upstairs. And to think that God is a man. I explained my God to the priest ... If God is everywhere and everything why can’t I talk to him alone, in nature and thru my animals as I always did? This is when I realized I knew that God was more then I was taught and told. I did not fear my God because I could talk to God and loved playing with God’s creatures. Let’s just say my parents got an ear full after that experience.

From that moment on I guess you could say I set foot on my own spiritual path. I did not believe in my religion and I tapped into Spirit and the power of my own choice and will. Truly, more children are connected to God - Spirit then we give them credit for.

As I got older I lost my connection due to choosing outside pressures and of course those rebellious teenage years. I went off to college on a softball scholarship, returned home, got married, and had a successful business as a personal trainer to Olympic athletes, Wall Street and Fortune 500 Ceo’s. I had the life - the all American dream.

My life was booming with everything I could wish for and in total control – so I thought. But in one day I lost it all. I was rushed to the hospital on Christmas Eve with a very rare tubular pregnancy. My uterus exploded and I bled to death but was revived. It was the most horrific experience in my life but my dance with death changed me forever. I awoke to an angelic figure sitting on the end of my bed and I knew at that moment I would be ok. I knew this angelic figure and the comfort of its words soothed me although it was never words’ coming from its mouth - it was all telepathy. I say IT because this energy, this figure, this beautiful creature was not male nor female it was both. It was full of love, energy and spirit. I knew what it was communicating was true. I knew it was my truth and I was told why I was here and my purpose. To teach people how to be in their bodies - their complete bodies. When the body isn’t healthy the Spirit does not want to stay and do its work. The reason for my past history and pain was to personally go through it to relate to people and help them come thru to the other side. To show people that their pain and suffering will help them find their worthiness and connection to Spirit, to the God within. My experience with death was to awaken my faith, strength and self worthiness. It was so strong and clear. Finally my yearning questions as a child where answered. I was reconnected to my God again and I awakened to all that was within me and surrounding me. My connection to the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual worlds started working for me in a way I never thought would be possible. I understood and had this deep inner knowing why I went through all my pain and suffering in my past, the sexual abuse, the eating disorders, drugs, alcohol, abusive relationships all situations I put myself in, to punish myself.

My pain was so deep and although it seemed I had it all together on the outside - my insides where a mess. That evening I felt what seemed to be two hands placed on my uterus and felt this overwhelming energy. It was warm, safe, tingling, alive and moving thru me as if I was being tuned to a certain frequency like searching for a radio station. I knew at that moment I experienced that Love was not only an emotion but the most powerful force with action behind it. I felt every cell of my being was reprogrammed. My body craved this sensation. My heart and mind both knew what I was experiencing was so profound and real that I would never again doubt the power of Love. Because this energy, this Love was so nurturing and warm it went through my body like a wave, my body totally surrendered to the power of Grace. On Christmas morning my family and friends arrived to visit me and I knew when I saw each one of them why they were in my life and what they were here to teach me. At that moment I understood forgiveness. I learned a new strength - the strength of letting go. I could forgive them and myself.

I knew I did not have any reason to hold onto anger and grief any longer. I never felt so free. My senses became stronger and clearer. I knew who was on the other end of the phone when it rang and I could smell the newspaper in the next room. I was very receptive to my surroundings and other worlds and energies. Everything that I had studied about the body and mind, being in physical shape and strong was redefined. I had a new definition of power. The power of touch, forgiveness, surrendering and letting go was the most powerful thing I had ever experienced. Trained as an athlete my body and mind where weapons to destroy the opponent. This experience taught me the power of going within.

Modern medicine may have saved my life but they did not have the answers I was searching for. Although my body was healed physically my emotional body was still grieving, and searching for answers. Mentally nothing made sense anymore. Emotionally - I knew I had to surrender to my past pain and suffering to leave me open to experience life with a new outlook. This surrender lead me on through to my journey. Yearning questions lead me to India where I toured and studied holistic medicine and yoga. I studied yoga and lived at Kripalu Center for Yoga and Health in Massachusetts for 8 months. And then off to the 4 corners area in Arizona where I ended up staying on a Navajo Native American reservation studying with chiefs and medicine women and men. I learned about the feminine and male aspects of Spirit God and my connection to Mother Earth. All my experiences there brought me back to my near death experience and the God within me. I found my answers and more. My purpose then started to make sense to me.

It all started to make sense the angel, the message, my dance with death. I could no longer deny my purpose... to teach people what I have learned and experienced. I feared that people would think I was crazy but I knew what I was told was my truth and if I did not follow my path -my purpose it would only create more suffering for me . I could no longer deny my purpose, my responsibility or my power.... my connection to Spirit God and Mother Earth.

I went back to work teaching about the body and being fit but with a whole new outlook.

Although I may have lost a child I gave birth to Sierra 4 Body Fitness & Yoga.

I taught all that I knew was true for me and shared my story to whoever would listen. I began to teach that being fit is not only physical but a full circle process physical, mental, emotional and spiritual that connects us to the God within, the human self. Isn’t that why we are here?

I have week retreats called Boot camp for Goddesses and also one for men Boot Camp for Gods. I have become international and have traveled to many places in the world to teach and pass my message on. My boot camps are a 4 body challenge that will workout, treat and heal all 4 bodies.

It is about doing the real work not escaping from our pain and suffering thru addiction, being busy, our work, abusive relationships, all which are self abusive and self inflicting pains taking us further away from what we are ultimately searching and craving for -a connection to our higher power, each other and of course Love.

Sierra Bender - Sierra 4 Body Fitness & Yoga www.sierra4bodyfitness-yoga.com www.Boot Campforgoddesses.com sierra4bodyfit@aol.com